Don’t expect me to explain the square of an hypotenuse
Don’t expect me to explain the square of an hypotenuse
Don’t expect me to explain the square of an hypotenuse

I flunked right out of integral and differential calculus
I spurn the scientific names of feelings animalculous
In short, in matters speculative, unctuous, or derivative,
I am the very model of a modern chief executive!

In short, in matters speculative, unctuous, or derivative,
He is the very model of a modern chief executive!

I know our mythic history, from our founders to our LBO
I bluffed my way through every move, and so became the CEO
I quote in banal homilies the words of others just like me
Iconic and elusive, I’m a model chief executive.

I smell financial fraud before the SEC gets wind of it
and join the croaking chorus when the loser’s frog-marched to the kip
Then quietly cash in just like I’ve done a thousand times before
And pout with all the innocence of a child dressed in pinafore

And pout with all the innocence of a child dressed in pinafore
And pout with all the innocence of a child dressed in pinafore
And pout with all the innocence of a child dressed in pina-pinafore

Then I can write a binding bill in bureaucratic cuneiform
And lobby ‘till it’s voted to become our justice uniform
In short, in matters legislative, unctuous, or derivative
I am the very model of a modern chief executive!

In short, in matters speculative, unctuous, or derivative
He is the very model of a modern chief executive!

In fact, I know what happens to the ones who cannot win this game
They’re forced to public service and to lose that seaside shack in Maine
They’ll drive a General Motors car and be a minor News Hour star
And blame the best and brightest for the latest economic scar.

When I first heard what progress had been made in modern sophistry
I quickly learned the tactics like a novice in a nunnery
And now I am a master of a bait and switch economy
You'll say no chief executive has ever lived, the likes of me!

You'll say no chief executive has ever lived, the likes of me
You'll say no chief executive has ever lived, the likes of me
You'll say no chief executive has ever lived, the l-likes of me!

With bureaucratic skill I am both plucky and adventury
This should prevent indictment till the start of the next century
But still, in matters speculative, unctuous, or derivative
I am the very model of a modern chief executive!

But still, in matters speculative, unctuous, or derivative
He the very model of a modern chief executive!